Assalam alaykum (peace be with you)! I hope you enjoy coming along with me on this ride of balancing life with a teen, toddler, and a baby on the way! Islam grounds us, homeschooling bonds us, and living green humbles us. I don't have all the answers, so make sure to impart some of your own wisdom in the comment section, too! 
Last week’s post about parents who give their kids a hard time in jest got me thinking in general about how parents can be a positive influence in their kids’ lives.
Our words about our kids’ actions isn’t the only way we can spew negativity into their lives. It is just as easy, probably easier, to speak negatively about ourselves around our kids. Moms all too often name themselves as overweight, ugly, clumsy, what-have-you, in a joking tone, though I believe the jokes are ringing true to what Mom hears in her own personal dialogue. Moms, be nice to yourself!
What does this teach our kids? Are we showing them how to love ourselves? Are we showing them what it means to be content with what Allah has gifted us with? Are we grateful for two eyes, ears, working skin, and hands? Or are we showing a more shallow side that is unhappy at any weight because there’s always something that’s imperfect?
I’m definitely guilty of negative self-talk, but as hypocritical as it is, I don’t let Care Bear talk about herself that way. I don’t want her being her own worst enemy, or holding herself to unattainable standards. I also don’t think it’s fair to bring others down or fish for compliments through negative self-talk. Still, it’s a bad habit I need to learn to curb. When trying to be a good example, I have to show her how to be good to oneself as well as good to others, in sha Allah.
Habits are hard to break, and especially when it has to do with attitude. How do we learn that we are good enough? That our body is just as perfect as it is supposed to be? That we are smart, even though we make mistakes? As corny as it sounds, it really starts with affirmations and positive reminders. Remember that Allah created us in the best of molds, and created each of us exactly as we are supposed to be – both physically and mentally. Whether that means we have struggles that make us who we are, or we have ease that we must learn to be humble about, everything is a lesson.
I think we all enjoy some type of creative outlet, but might not find anything we enjoy for quite some time. In our exploration of hobbies for Care Bear, she’s taking a series of photography classes. If I didn’t have little ones to tend to, I’d love to join her in the fun!
An added bonus if Care Bear picks up photography as a hobby is she will have something to look forward to when we visit nature centers! When I saw a local wildflower garden was hosting the photography series, I jumped at the opportunity. They split the class into five parts, each is a stand alone class, but if you take all the classes, they build upon each other.
Care Bear has now just taken one photography class: an intro to the camera features. She learned a few new features to her camera, and already seems to have a slight improvement in her picture taking. The next class covers how to use the meters, choose shutter speed, and other things I don’t understand. In sha Allah she can teach me!
So, without further ado, here’s some of the pictures she took after her class was finished:
Created with Admarket’s flickrSLiDR.
Concrete will – this is a phrase that I think will stick with me forever now that I’ve heard it once.
Care Bear has been listening to Nouman Ali Khan’s tafseer lectures for the past two weeks for her tafseer lessons. I instructed her to take detailed notes, and today I had her teach me what she learned from the lecture using the notes she had taken. I was impressed with how much she seemed to enjoy this activity, and how she prided herself on further explaining when I would ask exploratory questions.
Towards the end of explaining the tafseer of Surah Takwir, Care Bear mentioned that the prophet does, and the believers should, have “concrete will.” I asked her what this means and she further explained that it is a person that will do what they wish, even if those around them try to stop them or convince them otherwise.
I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great to feel like I have a concrete will?” When I asked Care Bear, she agreed it would be something worthy of working towards.
What does it take to have concrete will? I suppose the first step is having concrete belief in what you wish is actually the right thing. Well, hopefully it’s that and not just being stubborn! One of the biggest strengths we can have is knowing that Allah’s pleasure is greater than anyone else’s. Married people do many things to please their spouse, even if they can’t see them, and would never do otherwise because they believe so firmly that it’s the right thing. Why should our relationship with Allah be any different?
In sha Allah that lesson imprinted on Care Bear as much as it did me. At the very least, she will get the reward for teaching it to me in sha Allah. Isn’t it amazing when you child begins to become your teacher?
Tulip is six weeks now, mashaAllah! I have to wonder if it would feel like a milestone if it wasn’t for a doctor’s appointment for both mom and baby at six weeks, plus when most working moms go back. Still, alhamdulilah, it feels like a special time.
Tulip has to be the easiest baby I’ve encountered. She sleeps easily at home and in public, she nurses great, and she’s just generally an easy going baby, alhamdulilah. Little Miss is smitten by her and we find her sneaking to give Tulip hugs and kisses when we aren’t looking. It’s adorable, but Little Miss doesn’t quite understand that she’s quite a bit bigger than her little sister so she has to be gentle with hugs.
Blogging has been on my mind every day, along with keeping up on all the social media, but my time at an actual computer is quite scarce most days, and when I do have some time, my volunteer work with the homeschool co-op is high priority. Alhamdulilah, we are wrapping up the year there and looking forward to new and exciting classes in the fall. I have lots of time on the phone to browse the Internet, but Swype is far too irritating to do anything of any substance – ha! Candy Crush and Sudoku it is then!
Care Bear is, as always, very helpful. I think we are both quite ready to take a bit of a break from the routine and enjoy some relaxed summer months. Of course, my version of relaxed and hers do not always match – hours and hours of TV will drive me batty but she would love if I allowed that!
Well, enough of our daily grind! Here’s some pics of the last marvelous six weeks!
“Oh, you know, I’ve got to give them a hard time.”
It’s not funny. It gets tiring for kids to stand up for themselves time after time, year after year. Your jokes, your teasing, it doesn’t show them the love you say you have after someone calls you out, acting like a first grade bully. Joking about how your child always screws up, or always waits until the last minute, cuts each time. It may not be deep the first time, but each negative remark makes that first cut deeper. That negative remark you made – you thought it was nothing – now that is the child’s inner voice.
“You will never do it.”
“You’re so lazy.”
“You’re actually on time?”
“Just couldn’t get all A’s, huh?”
You think it’s cute, but it isn’t. You laugh jokingly after saying it, but it isn’t funny. Every person has their own negative voice they need to battle. As a parent, it’s your job to support your children, through thick and thin. I’m not saying unconditionally say “yes” to any whim and desire they have, but be a positive force, not the one they have to prove wrong when they do something right.
Instead of saying, “You’ll never be able to do that”, wouldn’t saying, “That’ll take a lot of hard work” get a similar message of having realistic expectations? Don’t you think your child will experience disappointment when they miss reaching a goal? It’s fine for your child to experience that disappointment, but it doesn’t help anything for you to be disappointed before they start.
Giving your child a “hard time” doesn’t show love. It just shows them they need to stand up for themselves against you, along with the rest of the world. Wouldn’t you rather be their respite?
